January 2010
3 posts
The spirit of... something.
Judas: Jesus, did you use my credit card to buy a copy of "The Anarchist Cookbook"?
Jesus: Does anyone ever really "do" anything?
Judas: And did you also attempt to have Exxon-Mobil deliver a shipment of gasoline drums to my apartment?
Jesus: Maybe.
Judas: So, can I assume it was also you who stole my checkbook and used it to purchase toiletries while writing "for bombs" in the memo field?
Jesus: Eh.
Judas: What the hell are you doing, man, trying to get me sent to Guantanamo Bay?
Jesus: Oh, great, now you've gone and ruined your birthday surprise.
Judas: This is an awful thing to do to someone. What do you have to say for yourself?
Jesus: ...
Judas: Well?
Jesus: Shh. I'm trying to work out how to include the phrase "walking on water-boarding" in my answer.
Judas: Get out.
Jesus: This is *my* house.
Judas: No it isn't.
Jesus: Psych!
Judas: That's not what that means.
1 tag
Fanboy.
Jesus: Are you excited for the Apple tablet?
Judas: Well, it doesn't technically exist yet, so no.
Jesus: Like that's a reason to not be excited about something? There are plenty of things that might not exist, but that people still love.
Judas: Yeah, like what?
Jesus: Ahem.
Judas: Oh, right. It'll probably be easier to love the tablet, though, since it won't be turning people into pillars of salt or anything.
Jesus: Man, looks like someone hasn't read the latest Engadget rumors.
Funny Games
Jesus: Hey, man. I fucked up.
Judas: Can you get me a shot of adrenaline? Because my heart just stopped. From shock.
Jesus: I'm not kidding. I need your help. I did something really bad.
Judas: Okay, what did you do?
Jesus: Judas, are you familiar with voodoo?
Judas: No, stop it. Don't want to hear where this is going. You're a terrible person.
Jesus: Look, I was just trying to be post-modern! And meta!
Judas: Who taught you those words?
Jesus: And what could be more post-modern that making a voodoo doll of Haiti? Right?
Judas: It is astounding that you are the one person in the entirety of human history who definitely won't go to hell.
Jesus: Do you get it? Because Haiti is where voodoo *comes from.*
Judas: Yeah, I get it. You know what you should get? Your cell phone, so you can donate ten bucks by texting HAITI to 90999.
Jesus: You know who else is being hate-y?
Judas: YES. YOU.