November 2010
3 posts
Seriousness.
Jesus: I guess sometimes I just get really sad. You know, because I'm going to die, and everything.
Judas: Well, Jesus, we're all going to die.
Jesus: Yeah, but my way is gonna kind of suck.
Judas: Wait... you know how you're gonna die?
Jesus: I told you about this before. Weren't you listening? With the cross, and the nails, and shit?
Judas: I thought you were just really high.
Jesus: I *was* really high, but I was also dropping some bombs. And the bombs were full of truth. They were *truth bombs*, Judas.
Judas: Don't ruin this moment, man.
Jesus: Dude, if I really wanted to ruin the moment, I'd tell you how *you* are going to kick it.
Judas: You know that, too?
Jesus: Big time. I pretty much know everything. Except, like, math and stuff.
Judas: And how to be a good person.
Jesus: Right.
Judas: ...
Jesus: ...You hang yourself.
Judas: You're an asshole.
Puck.
Jesus: All I'm saying is that it wouldn't kill you to stand on a desk and say "O Captain, My Captain" to me once in a while.
Community action.
Jesus: I’ve decided to start supporting local business.
Judas: Really? Because you could start by buying my memoi-
Jesus: Yep. Let’s go to Walmart.
Judas: Oh, you’ve actually made a very easy mistake. Walmart is actually a huge corporation, kind-of the opposite of “local business”. And when I say that you made a very easy mistake, I mean, of course, the exact opposite. You are a cretinous human being.
Jesus: What… what are you doing? That’s way too mean for you. Are you just going through the motions with this? Is that what’s happening?
Judas: I have to say, Jesus, that this whole routine seems to be getting a bit stale. I’m beginning to legitimately hate you.
Jesus: Wow. You know, you’re actually affecting me here, on an emotional level. For real. You’re right — I say some stupid things, and I’m cruel to you, and I need to grow up. I need to be the Jesus that we’ve been waiting for. I need to be a better human.
Judas: Really?
Jesus: No! Fuck you! Let’s go buy things at Walmart using your credit card and then stop in a bunch of small businesses on the way home and *gloat*.