Jesus:
I’ve decided to start supporting local business.
Judas:
Really? Because you could start by buying my memoi-
Jesus:
Yep. Let’s go to Walmart.
Judas:
Oh, you’ve actually made a very easy mistake. Walmart is actually a huge corporation, kind-of the opposite of “local business”. And when I say that you made a very easy mistake, I mean, of course, the exact opposite. You are a cretinous human being.
Jesus:
What… what are you doing? That’s way too mean for you. Are you just going through the motions with this? Is that what’s happening?
Judas:
I have to say, Jesus, that this whole routine seems to be getting a bit stale. I’m beginning to legitimately hate you.
Jesus:
Wow. You know, you’re actually affecting me here, on an emotional level. For real. You’re right — I say some stupid things, and I’m cruel to you, and I need to grow up. I need to be the Jesus that we’ve been waiting for. I need to be a better human.
Judas:
Really?
Jesus:
No! Fuck you! Let’s go buy things at Walmart using your credit card and then stop in a bunch of small businesses on the way home and *gloat*.
