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Jesus:
Guys! It's me! I'm back from the dead!
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Peter:
Praise be! It's a miracle!
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Thaddeus:
Oh wonder of wonders!
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Judas:
Are you shitting me?
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Andrew:
I think you should be a little more jubilant, Judas. Our Lord and savior just returned from the grave!
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Judas:
Oh, please, he wasn't dead -- he was drunk.
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Jesus:
Okay, if anyone in here is taking notes, for like a Gospel or something, just ignore what Judas is saying.
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Judas:
He got drunk on wine, which he *stole*, and had to sleep it off in some cave for a few days.
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Jesus:
What about my wounds, Judas? My sacred, special wounds?
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Judas:
What? You skinned your knee?
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Thomas:
Yeah, those don't look like particularly severe wounds, Lord.
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Judas:
Finally, someone on my side.
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Thomas:
THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU, JUDAS.
